Collective Trauma and Comparison
Collective Trauma and Comparison
Processing through collective and how comparison makes things worse, linked to the California Wildfires.
Collective Trauma
It’s been a week since the fires began in California. 7 Days of destruction, information overload, being on edge, not sure if it’s safe to leave or stay. 7 Days of images showing devastation, heartache, grief, loss. 7 Days of worrying about my safety, and the safety of others. 7 Days of wishing things would “get back to normal.” 7 Days of wanting a refund on 2025. 7 Days of collective trauma.
What is Collective Trauma
Collective trauma is when a group of people, often a society, town, neighborhood, (pretty much more than just one person) experience a traumatic event. The entire group is impacted by the event- sometimes in active and direct ways, other times in passive, indirect ways. Regardless, each person in the collective has experienced something significant, even life changing. Their nervous systems become dysregulated. Their thinking patterns become foggy. There’s a sense of loss, confusion, not knowing which way is up.
Over the past…however many years it’s been…it feels like there’s been an increase in collective traumas. There are events that are impacting us more and more that bring about so much destruction and devastation that it makes it hard to feel that anything can last or feel stable. At any moment, the tide can turn and once again we experience feeling the world feeling upside down.
The California wildfires feels like the pandemic 2.0. There’s constant checking Social Media and news outlets looking for new information, new resources, instructions on how to experience the new world. “Where are the fires now?” “How close am I to the evacuation zone?” “Should I leave? Should I stay?” “How can I help?” This information can be helpful, obviously, but it also can quickly become more destructive and obsessive. The constant refresh, the seeking for hope. Looking for the moment things are over.
Comparative Trauma
When we collectively go through traumatic events, or when we’re exposed to other people’s trauma and pain, it can easily become a companion and shaming space. “How can I feel bad or anxious when I still have my home and so many don’t?” “How can I enjoy this delicious dinner when there are families who are staying in a shelter with everything they owned burned?” “How can I celebrate buying a house when someone’s is just a pile of ash and rubble?”
Why do we do this? Why do we discount our experiences just because “someone else has it worse?” I wish I knew. But I know it doesn’t help anybody. You having your own emotional experiences doesn’t take away someone else’s grief. You enjoying your dinner, doesn’t hurt someone else more. You celebrating the next chapter of your life, doesn’t lessen the pain of this chapter in someone else’s.
Collectively we go through events like this, which also means collectively and individually we all have different experiences. If I discount mine, it doesn’t make yours better or worse. That’s not how it works. What I can do, is allow for empathy (see my post on Emotional Responsibility), help out when I can, how I can, and where I can, and also continuing to keep living my life. Me taking care of me and my loved ones, allows for the message and belief that life continues on. This tragedy isn’t the end of us.
Holding Two Truths
Pain and beauty coexist all the time in life and nature. There can be fires burning destruction, and a sunset filled with vibrant colors. There can be trees knocked down and pulled from their roots while birds sing their morning song. We can grieve with those who grieve, and continue to finding grounding in our lives. We can continue our rhythms of self-care, connection, work, play, and know there is devastation a few miles away. Both are equally valid. Both get to have their own designated space and time. Both matter. Two opposing truths can be held at the same time. Joy and Pain. Loss and Safety. Grief and Relief.
Wrapping Up
So you get to hold both. However you experience collective trauma, in California, or North Carolina, or in your neighborhood that didn’t make the news. You get to have all of your experience about things, and allow someone else to have their experience about things. Your experience doesn’t take away from any one else’s, and allowing your individual self continue to be taken care of, nurtured and filled up, allows for the whole collective to begin healing.
If this connects to you and how you’re processing collective traumas, if you found yourself having difficulty navigating your experience of the California Fires or other traumas and you want to find help through it all I encourage you to use this link, and schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation call with me. Let's see if we can take some steps in processing all you’ve been through and how to start your healing journey.
