Avoiding Hurts More Than It Helps: Understanding Emotional Numbing and How to Stop
Avoiding Hurts More Than It Helps: Understanding Emotional Numbing and How to Stop
You know that feeling when life gets too much—and instead of dealing with it, you just check out? Scroll, binge, overwork, distract, or overthink… basically anything to make your feelings disappear.
Avoiding works really well—until it doesn’t. Much like the constant “on” mode that comes with hypervigilance, emotional numbing is a survival mechanism. It kept you safe once, but now it can hold you back.
And for years, it worked. Maybe in childhood. Maybe in relationships. Maybe in high-pressure work situations—it kept you safe. But like any state of being, what once protected you can now keep you stuck.
Emotional Numbing: Why We Check Out
Emotional numbing is your brain’s version of hiding under the covers during a thunderstorm. When feelings are overwhelming or unpredictable, it says:“We can’t handle this. Let’s shut it down.”
It made sense then. Now? Avoiding feelings doesn’t solve anything—it just separates you from your life. And while easier in the moment, avoidance comes at a high cost if it becomes habitual.
The Hidden Costs of Avoiding Feelings
Avoidance may feel helpful, but it quietly:
Fuels anxiety, because unprocessed emotions pile up.
Reinforces perfectionism: “If I can’t handle my feelings, I need to control everything else.”
Encourages people-pleasing: “If I ignore my needs, maybe everyone else will stay calm and I’ll be okay.”
Disconnects you from yourself and your body.
Keeps relationships shallow or tense because your emotions are off-limits.
In short: it feels safe in the moment… and unsafe everywhere else.
Why ‘Out of Sight, Out of Mind’ Only Works Temporarily
Avoidance is like skating on a frozen river. It may carry you safely for a moment—but if you’re not careful, the ice cracks, and suddenly you’re in the rushing water.
The longer feelings are ignored, the louder they get. Anxiety, irritability, burnout, and self-doubt creep in. Hypervigilance may kick in, making you scan, tiptoe, and preemptively fix everything—because you can’t tolerate your own storm.
The Numbing Cycle: How You End Up Feeling More Stuck
It goes like this:
Life gets stressful → overwhelm rises.
You numb or avoid to protect yourself.
Feelings build up under the surface → anxiety spikes.
More avoidance → deeper disconnection from self → cycle repeats.
It’s exhausting—but it doesn’t have to be permanent.
Relearning Safety: Facing Feelings Without Overwhelm
You can feel without completely melting down. You can reconnect with your emotions safely.
Try these steps:
Stop hiding from small challenges: Face small fears daily to build resilience.
Set boundaries: Define where you start and others stop. Honoring your limits helps regulate your energy, time, and emotions.
Embrace conflict safely: Avoidance often shows up when we fear conflict. Leaning into hard conversations strengthens relationships and confidence.
Practice curiosity and self-compassion: Ask,“What’s this feeling trying to tell me?” instead of judging yourself.
Remember: regulation—not perfection—is the goal.
Small Steps Over Perfection: Choosing Feeling Over Avoidance
Your feelings are valid—but they’re not always facts.
Avoiding doesn’t make you safer; it delays healing and control over your life.
Tiny, consistent acts of curiosity over your emotions can shift your nervous system.
Step into discomfort safely. Reclaim your body, mind, and relationships from the fog of avoidance.
Ready to Stop Numbing Out?
If you’ve spent years avoiding your feelings, people-pleasing, overthinking, or perfectionizing as survival, I see you.
Click Here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call and explore how to feel safely, assert your needs, and stop abandoning yourself.
You don’t have to numb out anymore. You deserve to show up fully for your life—and it starts with feeling, not avoiding.
